i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
