it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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