we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
