we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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