You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
