he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
40s are totally the cure
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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