I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this beer tastes like vomit already
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
