So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize