oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
