just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
