dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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