Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
