but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
