May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize