That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
