i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
