i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
