I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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