your parents love me but you hate me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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