Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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