Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
