Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
