what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
