my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
