he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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