I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
