how can u be prego again
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
