remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
