Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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