Barsexuality is the new black.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
