Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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