My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
