In the future we'll all be gay
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
