so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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