Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
