Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
