I could have mohawked her pubes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
