Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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