he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
A bitchslap is in order.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
