i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
