I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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