I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
