I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
