everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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