If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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