We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
