Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I party with great urgency now.
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