There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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