OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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