Sponge bath it is.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
