It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
