Soap is not a condiment
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
