he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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