Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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