The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
