Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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