I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
