you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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