Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
