This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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