I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
