I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
