absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
