if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
