my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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