i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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