i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
