Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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