how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
