I cannot find my penis.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
