does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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